At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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