You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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