I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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