Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
40s are totally the cure
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
