Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize