Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
