My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
