sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize