You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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