Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
