you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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