All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
