Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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