I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
