Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
