big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
