This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
