Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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