I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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