No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
