worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
