All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
birth control should be required to get into college
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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