I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
