Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I wanna passion pit in your ass
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
