How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
home. puking in laundry basket.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
