Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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