the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize