How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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