We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
