Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
