My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
