I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
