You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
