the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
