the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
