theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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