Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
