I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
