is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
