I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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