I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
