Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just puked most of my soul out..
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
