The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
