Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
