Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
