I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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