She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
