I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
