You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
