please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
