It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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