I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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