If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
