Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
