I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Terrible idea I love it
I have already put on my inside pants.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
