can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize