She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We are two peas in an std pod
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
