We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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