so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize