I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
