Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
