just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
