i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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