You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize