I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
