why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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