Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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